I offer to new mothers and mothers struggling with finding time for themselves, a list of 5 reasons why it’s good for you to be Not Mom.

When do we shift from an acceptance life approach to a fixing approach? When do we know how we are doing is in fact not “good enough,” and we need to strive for change? When we are drowning, when we have hit and surpassed burnout, when we are not the human or parent we know we can be, or want to be. When we are suffering, it’s time for change.

If you practice acceptance of yourself as a real (not ideal) parent, stop judging negative thoughts and feelings as indicators you are a “bad parent,” if you embrace your humanity as a parent, you are the “good enough” parent your children need. Now you just need to accept it.

We often tell ourselves and others “I’m such a bad Mom” or ask ourselves “am I a good Mom?” I do it all the time in a loop of automatic thinking that has been programmed in my brain, and I don’t even fully realize I’m doing it.

Either I respond to my daughter’s emotional needs at the sacrifice of my emotional well-being, or I ignore her to take what I needed. And that’s how it feels – TAKING, which feels selfish, which is against every cultural ideal of how a mother should be.