The Blog
Truth in Parenting
Tearing your hair out over lack of sleep, daycare decisions, homework enforcement, or what to do with the toddler tantrum? Want to feel better about your own tantrum as you try and manage it all? Read my Truth in Parenting blog for evidence-based reassurance (The Art and Science of . . . ), my own True Mom Confessions, and get a sneak peek of what my book offers with Autonomy-Supportive Parenting Diaries. Not sure where to start? Try here.
Get the Art & Science of Mom in your inbox
The Motherhood Identity: Being Not Mom
I offer to new mothers and mothers struggling with finding time for themselves, a list of 5 reasons why it’s good for you to be Not Mom.
Autonomy-Supportive Parenting in the Real World: Homework Edition
For our homework conundrum, I aimed to balance what felt like several competing interests: nurturing my young son’s internal motivation for learning, respecting the teacher’s way of running her class, and coaching my child through doing things he doesn’t like. How do we achieve all this without homework turning into a daily power struggle?
Perfectionism In Parenting
My greatest fear is letting down my children in a fundamental, formative way that probably has nothing to do with sugary snacks and screen time. Part of the fabric of perfectionism? Control. Or more accurately, the illusion of control.
10 Reasons Why Leaving Kids for A Week Is A Good Idea
We planned our one-week 10th anniversary trip to Sedona, Arizona months in advance, when the abstract idea of the getaway felt magical. As the date got closer, though, I began to feel the panic rise about the reality of leaving the kids.
Am I A Good Mom?
We often tell ourselves and others “I’m such a bad Mom” or ask ourselves “am I a good Mom?” I do it all the time in a loop of automatic thinking that has been programmed in my brain, and I don’t even fully realize I’m doing it.
The Santa Dilemma
His sisters earnestly remind him Santa’s watching, and the pre-meltdown phase immediately escalates to full-blown meltdown because of the added pressure. Santa is stressing him out.
COVID Diaries: Mom Needs a Break
Caring for them is not the same as loving them. I love them constantly and unconditionally (obviously). I do not want to care for them constantly and unconditionally. For those of you reading who are thinking, “what do you think you signed up for when you decided to have kids?” First, if you are reading this blog and asking this question, please email me – how did I find you? Second, there are a lot of parts of parenting that are impossible to realize beforehand. It is not an “informed consent” situation in many respects, but most of all, parenting in a pandemic is on no list anywhere.
What I Learned About Children and Parenting In A Pandemic Summer
They are living the 80s childhood of unstructured, un-adulted roaming and wandering, innovating the outdoors with whatever they already have. Bonus: It also makes them very happy.
It Gets Easier
You get yourself back. It is obviously a different self once the parent part has irretrievably claimed your heart and soul, but you get you again. It might take some effort, lots of partner and village support, and deliberate choices on your part, but it happens.
Self-Care: The Great American Lie
Either I respond to my daughter’s emotional needs at the sacrifice of my emotional well-being, or I ignore her to take what I needed. And that’s how it feels – TAKING, which feels selfish, which is against every cultural ideal of how a mother should be.
The Emotional Labor of Parenting
There is a largely unrecognized emotional labor of parenting. In my definition, this includes tuning into emotions underlying our children’s behaviors, restraining our own emotions in order to more effectively respond to theirs, and getting ahead of potential emotional landmines by taking action.
The Problem with Positive Parenting
What positive parenting is missing is that we need to change a whole bunch about our current external realities. Changing within only goes so far when so many demands and pressures push right against the actualization of our ideal parent selves.
The ANTI New Year's Resolutions: Looking Backwards Instead of Forwards
Perhaps most importantly, the slowing down encouraged by meditation and mindfulness-based thinking helped me realize the simplest truth: I have time. I have time to figure out my life and my future; I don’t need to run laps on the anxiety race track to get “there” as fast as possible, wherever “there” is. Taking this life thing one moment at a time, one Spotify playlist a time, one sitting-doing-nothing session at a time, may even help me know the “there” I’m heading toward.
5 Steps to Survive the Holiday Season As A Parent
Forget feeling the magic, how do we just feel at least a little more calm and balanced in the holiday season? Follow these five steps and you WILL survive.
Morning Warriors: Surviving the Morning Routine with Children
This also means I am Commander in Chief of Operation Morning Routine, and my little soldiers are taking awhile to follow protocol. It’s like playing a game of whack-a-mole between 7 and 7:45 am, once one head is doing what it’s supposed to, the other two pop up, or more accurately, pop OUT of line.
"Time" in Parenthood
Time to switch gears from the 24/7 job of building up all the fundamental parts of their beings (safety, trust, healthy attachments) to us BEING their fundamentals – their touchstones — in these years when they may still listen to us.
What Extra-Curricular Activities?
Every parent’s fear is we are not adequately preparing our children for their futures. This fear sits in me even as I rationalize all the great reasons our kids are just fine without more activities.
Temperament Is Everything
In writing and sharing this, I hope it sends out a sort of bat signal of support and compassion to all other parents struggling in the temperament equivalent of crossfit training. I’m sorry. It’s hard. It’s okay to not be “perfect” because it’s really exhausting and you’re doing your best. And you’re not alone.
Top 10 Survival Tips for Travel with Young Kids
We need to start with the cold, hard truth that the word "vacation" does not apply. Managing young children in travel and new environments is a feat of hard labor.
The Parent-Teacher Conference: From Golden Child to Problem Child
We knew it was going to be a tougher conversation than we were used to, but I was not prepared for how I felt as the mother hearing my preschooler son talked about this way.