Working from Home with Children

Oct 28

What CAN we change?

Since COVID descended upon all aspects of our lives, the statistics about work and women have been sobering: women are leaving the workforce in droves. Experts have analyzed the myriad reasons for the trends and made depressing conclusions about women shouldering a huge share of COVID-related burdens. Here is my non-expert analysis: women can’t do it all, and when we have to choose, we choose our children. My “expertise” is as a mother also working from home and wondering some days if I should just quit the work part to make it easier.

I am the first to advocate that true solutions come from fundamental changes to our systems, that we as individuals and families have been forced into a position of attempting to “fix” the burdens these flawed systems place on our shoulders. It’s like expecting any -ism (racism, sexism, classism) to be “fixed” at the individual level – it doesn’t work.

“What CAN we do in the day-to-day grind of taking care of ourselves and our families in this current state of surreal? ”

From the psychological perspective of managing the stress these broken systems inflict upon us, however, we do need to find the aspects under our control to keep going. What CAN we do in the day-to-day grind of taking care of ourselves and our families in this current state of surreal? I mean, wildfires are consuming blue sky in huge swaths of the country, how much more apocalyptic can it all look? We need to balance staying informed and aware of the world around us, while staying out of its quicksand of hopelessness and helplessness, focusing on our pieces of the world: our homes and families.

So, it was perfect timing when I heard from authors Karissa Tunis and Shari Medini, who wrote a whole book on this very topic, Parenting while Working from Home: A Monthly Guide to Help Parents Balance Their Careers, Connect with Their Kids, and Establish Their Inner Strength. Although working from home has a whole different meaning for many in this current COVID moment (like attempting to “work” while also substituting as “teacher” for remote learning kids), they offer some great guidance even for when we finally move past pandemic life. Because one thing does look certain in this era of uncertainty: there will be a lot more remote working in our collective futures! I summarized a sampling of their tips and strategies below.

Tips and Strategies

Set Yourself Up for Success by Setting Up Your Child

I’m all about taking care of ourselves first so we can take better care of our children, but in this situation, ensuring your kids’ needs are met before you do anything else helps them stay occupied longer while you work. The duration of being self-occupied will increase with age, so keep your expectations age-appropriate! This could be a good time to set up alternating toy boxes (hiding one for a bit and then swapping them out to leverage the power of novelty). Having snacks and water bottles easy to grab for young hands can also delay the inevitable interruption even a few minutes longer.

Routine, Routine, Routine

We all know how important routine is for children, but adults need it too! It helps all of us stay calm(er) and (more) organized to know what to expect in our day. Of course, with children, this routine is a rough sketch of what actually ends up happening, so it helps to also be flexible. This is my personal Achilles heel – I love routine, and when external forces disrupt it, I get stressed and real crabby. Knowing this about myself, though, I’ve been more intentional about practicing acceptance since I am working from home with three remote learning kids for the foreseeable future. And on the days we flow through our routine mostly as expected, I celebrate!

Pick a Focus for the Day

Over months of trial and error, I started doing this strategy when I can, and it has helped my overall stress without sacrificing productivity. The idea is that working from home with children means a constant competition of demands: domestic duties, job work that provides income, and parenting. How many times do you look up from your laptop to see the dirty dishes staring at you accusingly from the counter? Or as you are sending emails, thinking “I really need to do laundry.” And of course, as soon as you start an important call, you hear the little whine, “Mommeeeee, I want to play!”

I have found it sanity saving to think of my focus for each day depending on urgency. There are mornings that income-generating work can wait and I take on the house chores. When my kids have half days and it’s possible, I arrange my time so I can be attentive to them in their extra non-school hours so I’m not setting myself up for endless frustration. It’s not always going to be possible to pick a focus, but when it is, it can save a few new gray hairs from growing.

Have Fun!

What? This isn’t fun! Well, that is true a lot of the time, but I support the advice to find the fun. Why not take a few minutes to turn up the dance music? We’re at home and couldn’t do that in most workplaces. Agree to an impromptu puzzle or game as your own break from the screen that you probably need anyways. What could your kids do to “help” with your job? Especially younger kids love feeling industrious, so maybe allowing them to put some papers in a stack or doing something you would find tedious. It’s a great idea to take advantage of opportunities this situation offers rather than keep focusing on all the hard parts. Trust me, I’m talking to myself as much as to anyone reading this!

One Work-from-Home Day at a Time

We cannot solve the current structural barriers in our society as rapidly as they need to change, but if we can find day-to-day real-life solutions to keep getting by, we have more resources to fight for those systemic changes. Until then, we need to see where we can make our own changes at home to make this all more sustainable.

Even though many days feel overwhelming right now, I am still in a fortunate position of not having to choose between my work and my children. The better I can make this work rather than focus on how I wish it were different (a constant mind battle), the longer I feel like I can keep up the balancing act. One work email at a time. One child meltdown at a time. One load of laundry at a time (in the infinitely regenerating pile of dirty clothes). One Kidz Bop dance party at a time.

Looking for more on this topic? Karissa and Shari wrote an entire book about it!

Parenting while Working from Home: A Monthly Guide to Help Parents Balance Their Careers, Connect with Their Kids, and Establish Their Inner Strength is now available for purchase.

Parenting experts and founders of the popular website, Adore Them Parenting, Karissa Tunis and Shari Medini share actionable tips, heartfelt insight, and planning strategies to help you enjoy your own parenting journey while working from home.

Free Family Planner Printable
For a limited time pre-order Parenting while Working from Home and receive a Free Family Planner Printable! This family planner includes 150 pages of helpful calendars, worksheets, and checklists!