It may seem counterintuitive to reduce pressure on grades, especially if we see our child as achieving below their capacity. The instinct to increase pressure makes sense. But we know from the science of motivation and autonomy-supportive parenting that the more pressure our kids experience, the worse for their wellbeing and academic performance. But reducing pressure does not mean discarding expectations for academic performance.

Since we’re not getting rid of long-used external motivators like grades and test scores anytime soon, we can start tipping the scales toward internal motivation at home with how we parent.

Let’s shout it from the rooftops: internal motivation is what often leads to better performance over the long run. And persistence. And joy.
How can we nurture internal motivation as a vehicle for performance, skill growth, and staying with activities instead of quitting? How can we help preserve the love of the game? Or instrument. Or performing art.

For our homework conundrum, I aimed to balance what felt like several competing interests: nurturing my young son’s internal motivation for learning, respecting the teacher’s way of running her class, and coaching my child through doing things he doesn’t like. How do we achieve all this without homework turning into a daily power struggle?